Bravery

You jump over hills, run away from home, go far far away from what you were, (but still are)

and then, the true test:

you come back to what you are. 

It's okay

These days, I have been so busy that I felt quite satiated by my schedule: working on two albums, helping students, spending time with my band members, etc.  And then, a really good friend of mine from Japan emailed me, and I emailed him back a semi-long excited letter about this and that, life being exciting, who I'd seen...etc. The split second that I pressed the send button, I knew something was off. Had I really been there in that letter?
And then, forgot about it.

And now, a few weeks later, (and I'll revert again), for five minutes or so, I see glowing shards inside me, a fragmentation that still shines, but not meeting as a whole.

But, at the same time, I feel that it is okay. And as simple as it sounds, I think it is important to let yourself be happy the way you want to be. And this includes looking at the leaves and seeing how pretty they are, and looking at the sky and how the clouds look like things that only you can see...and just how pretty are icicles, and how soft is that breeze, and yes, that breeze was there for you---anyhow, all these things.  

Hendrix

"I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to."

Ode to Pax

 4:17 am...after having seen Sigur Ros and having had my heart explode into the universe on a trampoline with super bounce, I have just one small insignificant thought.  (Isn't that how it always is?  Buzz buzz, this and thats, and then silence...a single phrase, a word)
This thought is right there! Do you see it?  I can almost reach it and grab it.  But even though it is right in front of me, I miss it.  One microsecond passes to say, "doh!"  But hey, let's recalibrate.  (Or else suffer from emotional/mental hemophilia ---DUM DUM DUM!!!) Maybe the thought was banana.  Now I am really trying to remember.  The world goes round and round and round and round...

*sidenote: now i remember why i wrote this.  ah haha, how far we have gone off tangent.  (And how is this even possible...this entry is so short!?  Do YOU daydream between conjunctions too??? :P) i wrote this because i cherish the people i work with, mainly, the folks in Loro's.  I guess this isn't really insignificant, but the thought/emotion ends up becoming a single word.  I wish words could shoot rainbows so they glowed what they really were meant to mean.  Oh jelly beans! (couldn't resist the rhyme.) 

Ever increasing doors before you

For every day that you live, it is yet an another day full of emotions and sentiments that are just minutely unique to that day---like an endless piano keyboard that grows day to day by microtones, intervals, white keys and black keys. You'd think the wonder of adolescence ends with age...but how we alter each day--- and how those combinations can be so versatile! Each time, the jumps are.bigger, the yellows become ochre, green, a luscious vermillion. New doors--new doors!

Which door will it be today?

Brothers

thank god for them.

"hey, slow down there, Baudelaire..existential crisis is no joke and it seems you are having one right now.  i don't know what is gnawing away at you, so please tell me.  your e-mail although poetical requires some additional explanation...by you...to me.."

The balance of things

to do it all over again...i said this a while back to myself--or rather, I say this to myself at various points in my life--in love with the Gatsby in all of us that wants to stop time, accidentally push the clock off the table.

AND YET...I am pulled forward by this equally intense positivity (that drives me crazy at times, especially when I am drowning in some sort of meta-thinking of everything...yay, thank you liberal arts education)

Gosh, there is that balance that is created in aromatic hydrocarbons, or the contrasting spins of electrons, or the moonlight created by the sun, even though both are always there, or the sweetness of silence after the greatest sounds...somewhere in the middle of all those doubles (that aren't always double...) THAT's where I'd like to be.

Maybe in that space, it'll just be like the after hours of a long night out...the quiet mornings sipping resuscitating soup, everyone in murmurs, tired but happily sore...and then the real day begins again.